No Rhyme or Reason
by footballprincess
Summary: James tries to write Lily a Valentine's Day poem. Oneshot. Minor swearing


A/N: Another James/ Lily oneshot! I just love writing these, they're so adorable! Few minor cuss words, so be warned…

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own harry potter. Workin' on it

"Padfoot, I need some help" James said, raising his head from a piece of parchment. His best friend, who had been snoozing in an armchair, blew his hair out of his face.

"What?"

"It's about Lily." James said softly, but he needn't have bothered- the entire population of Hogwarts already knew how he felt about the lovely and temperamental Lily Evans.

"I'm not going to try and convince her to go out with you." Sirius said firmly, going back to his nap. "Last time she put a nasty jelly-legs jinx on me, not going back there again."

"Wormy…." He pleaded, turning to look at Peter, who was sticking his tongue out in concentration, trying to finish a Herbology essay.

"No, I'm not asking Lily if she thinks you're cute. We all know she doesn't. You'd think you would figure it out in five years." He added the last part quietly, because James hated people reminding him of his less-than-smooth relationship with Lily.

"Moony…." He tried.

"If it involves anything that will make Evans cause me bodily harm, the answer is no." Remus said, but a half-amused, half-interested look covered his face as he leaned towards James.

"No. You won't have to talk to, or as a result, get hexed by Lily." James promised, scrambling into a sitting position. At least _one _of his friends was going to help him.

"Valentine's day is in two days." James started slowly. If Sirius heard the next part, he would never let it go.

"Yes, I'm well aware" Remus said, gesturing for James to continue.

"Well, I want to write her a poem, but I'm stuck." James finished in a hurry. If it had been Sirius, he would have exploded hooting and pointing, jumping all around the common room and causing a ruckus. Peter would have asked if he was sure this was a good idea, because all of James's previous poetry-writing efforts had gone to hell in a hand basket. Remus, however, held in his laughter and held out his hand for the piece of parchment James had been scribbling on.

It read, in pointed and sloppy letters:

_Your voice sounds like a tinkling bell_

_ Even when you tell me to go to hell_

_ Your laugh's beauty has no end_

_ Even when you are hexing my friends_

_ When you walk by I can't help but gape_

_ Even if you're with __snivellus __severus snape_

_ I love watching you while we're in class_

_ Even though you call me an awful ass_

_ Your eyes smile at me, emerald green_

_ Even when I'm being mean_

_ Your hair, fiery red and orange_

That was all. Remus put down the parchment and laughed. Besides being a welcome relief from the tension of OWLs, this was positively the worst poem ever written. His arms were the only thing holding his ribs together as he rolled about helplessly, tears streaming from his eyes. His sides ached in pain. The look on James's face, one of helplessness, irritation, and indignation, was one he would remember forever.

Sirius, left out of the fun, marched over and snatched the incomplete poem. He read it to himself, moving his lips along with the words. Like Remus, he, too, rolled on the floor laughing. "Prongs, you're, you're, too good! That was so funny!" Then hysteria overcame him again, and he punched James in the arm, wondering faintly why he wasn't laughing.

"GUYS! It is NOT supposed to be funny!" James shouted at last. They laughed even more at his expression. "STOP LAUGHING!"

Which, of course, made them laugh even more.

"I'm terribly sorry." Remus came up with at last, breathing hard and rubbing his eyes. He sighed, the way people do when they've just had an amazing laugh. "Do tell, what do you need help with?"

James scowled, as if daring his friends to laugh at his poetic stylings again. "I need to find something that rhymes with orange"

Sirius exploded in a fresh round of laughter as Lily and her friend Marlene made their way to their dorm, casting the boys disgusted looks.

"James, that is the one of the only words in the English language that has no rhyme." Remus explained patiently, half wincing, expecting James's outburst.

"That's impossible! There has to be something!"

"Why?" Sirius said, hysterically writhing on the rug amid laughs. "The word orange just didn't feel like rhyming."

"Well, whoever invented English must have had poetry in mind! And whoever invented poetry must have had Lily Evans in mind, because she's living poetry! All graceful and spirited and-"

Sirius laughed uncontrollably again. He was rather glad that there was such animosity between James and Lily, because it had been one of his greatest sources of amusement at Hogwarts. "Mate, we know you think she hung the moon, but stop acting like such a lovestruck idiot for a moment, will you?"

Remus tossed an angry glance at Sirius. "I'm sure we'll come up with something, James" he said soothingly.

"How about door hinge?" Peter asked timidly.

"What? Door hinge? In a love poem?" James dismissed peter's suggestion with a wave of his hand.

"Stonehenge?" Sirius tried.

"What is that, even?" James sniffed.

"Porridge?" Remus offered

"Four inch?" Sirius said

"Borage?" Peter asked.

"What in the world is borage?" James asked, baffled.

"It's a type of leaf." He sighed, turning back to his essay

"Storage?" Sirius came up with it after about ten minutes of contemplative silence.

James groaned. "No. Just forget it. It's never going to happen. Lily is always going to think I'm an idiot. And she's right, because in five years at Hogwarts, I have never once written her a decent poem. I'm always going to be 'that idiot Potter' to her." He sighed despondently.

"Umm, then get her a present or something. Earrings? Chocolate? Flowers?" Remus said encouragingly. "It doesn't have to be a poem, you know. Not everyone can write poems."

"Moony, you know how girls can be. If I get her a present she'll just tell me she can't be bought. If you can write a poem, well that means you really care." James explained. His best friends looked taken aback.

"Liking her for five years means you really care, too." Remus said softly. "We'll think of something, James. You will have your poem. Think harder, boys. Just because Noah Webster couldn't find a rhyme, does that mean we're going to admit defeat?" His pep talk would have worked better if Sirius and James actually knew who Noah Webster was, but they nodded anyway.

"Is something the matter, boys?" Joshua Wood asked. He was a seventh year, and Gryffindor's quidditch captain. He glimpsed the words 'for Lily' at the top of the page. "Ah." He said. Lady troubles?"

James nodded, and shoved the parchment at his captain. "We can't find something that rhymes with orange." He explained.

Upon reading the poem, Joshua burst into laughter. He laughed harder than Sirius and Remus combined as he collapsed to the floor. The walls practically shook with the deep sound. He was actually slapping the ground next to him.

"Well?" James asked testily.

"I cannot believe, you Potter" he gasped out.

"What?"

"All you have to do is switch the words red and orange"

Review!


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